I think I texted my mom for like an hour, letting my inner teenage girl freak out for a bit. And as I laid in bed, I felt like God spoke to my heart. "Make your choice. Because once this starts, it's going to go fast." It was a bit of reality amongst all of the raging emotions. But I made my choice. I chose Benjamin.
It was time to put those words into practice. Saying I trusted God was one thing. But would I actually act on what He was asking me to do? That's what trust really looks like. And if I wasn't willing to do that, had I really come as far as I thought I had? I reminded myself of all of the times God had been faithful in the past and reminded myself that He would be faithful again.
During this time, Benjamin and I actually started to become pretty good friends. He was a volunteer at our base and just always seemed to be around and ready to hang out. He was the one skiing with me when I had my accident last year that put me out for the season. He came to the hospital with me and was a great support throughout that whole day and even through the rest of DTS. And before I knew it, we were just good friends.
That was crazy. Only crazy people did that. You don't just marry someone after knowing them for six months. That's just a bad idea. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't a question of if I was spontaneous enough or daring enough, but rather it was a question of if I was willing to trust God that much. Was I willing to just jump when He told me to? Not because I was necessarily sure, but because I trusted Him completely.